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Let’s face it: you’re pretty sh*t aren’t you?
Every single day it’s the same.
If you’re not weeping into a pot noodle then you’re trying to pretend that your dad’s sperm wouldn’t have been better used as glue.
If you’re not cutting corners then you’re trying desperately to cut your limp, lifeless wrists.
But you can’t even do that right, can you?
No, obviously not, because you’re reading this now. Freak.
But hang on!
Sit yourself down, dry your eyes and put a thoroughly undeserved smile on your irresponsibly repulsive face for just one second.
As we all know, life is about WINNING. And you’re only WINNING when you’re regularly setting fire to more cash than Africa needs and having sex with A-List celebs coz there’s f*ck all on Sky.
I know, I know - you are not even close to achieving either of these things. But don’t head for the pot noodle just yet.
re:Spectacle is here to offer the kind of advice that you just cant get from any of those other, slightly less repulsive freaks you want to believe are your ‘friends’.
If you want to start out on the long road to WINNING, then we strongly suggest you follow our lead as closely as you can.
Tune back in later this week to see Step 1 and who knows?
You might even develop enough strength in those wrists to finish the job properly.
Bling Crosby
Every single day it’s the same.
If you’re not weeping into a pot noodle then you’re trying to pretend that your dad’s sperm wouldn’t have been better used as glue.
If you’re not cutting corners then you’re trying desperately to cut your limp, lifeless wrists.
But you can’t even do that right, can you?
No, obviously not, because you’re reading this now. Freak.
But hang on!
Sit yourself down, dry your eyes and put a thoroughly undeserved smile on your irresponsibly repulsive face for just one second.
As we all know, life is about WINNING. And you’re only WINNING when you’re regularly setting fire to more cash than Africa needs and having sex with A-List celebs coz there’s f*ck all on Sky.
I know, I know - you are not even close to achieving either of these things. But don’t head for the pot noodle just yet.
re:Spectacle is here to offer the kind of advice that you just cant get from any of those other, slightly less repulsive freaks you want to believe are your ‘friends’.
If you want to start out on the long road to WINNING, then we strongly suggest you follow our lead as closely as you can.
Tune back in later this week to see Step 1 and who knows?
You might even develop enough strength in those wrists to finish the job properly.
Bling Crosby
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