re:Port - Guantanamo Bay to Become Holiday Resort

Guantanamo Bay has been purchased by Richard Branson, who has plans to turn it into the world’s première holiday resort.

“It’s a fantastic opportunity,” explained the squirrel-faced entrepreneur, “it’s already a world-famous brand, located in secluded hotspot with a private beach and fantastic weather - it practically markets itself.”

As part of a deal with the U.S. government, prisoners still awaiting trial when the resort opens will be offered reduced sentences in exchange for serving martinis, taking aerobics classes and giving massages.

A number of the original cells will be kept underground for staff caught swearing or planning terrorist attacks on western nations. Terrorist attacks on other nations are likely to be encouraged, although this has been denied.

Reports that Branson has further plans to open a number of five-star ‘Ausch-Villas’ on the site of Auschwitz are as yet unconfirmed.

Bling Crobsy

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