True as F*ck

Did you know that...

...a planned big screen version of ‘Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat’ was halted partway through production because the director had decided to film in black and white ‘for artistic reasons’?

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re:Port - Madame Tussaud's Reveal Keanu Reeves 'Model' Is Actually The Real Life Reeves

Madame Tussaud’s have today revealed that their Keanu Reeves ‘waxwork model’ is in fact the man himself. Reeves, of ‘Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey’ fame, has been living in the main hall for over a year, and appears to have become very accustomed to life at Tussaud’s.

A spokesman for the popular tourist attraction had this to say:

"We always wanted to have a model of Keanu in Tussaud's so we flew him over from L.A. - where he was filming 'Matrix 4: Infinity+1' - to discuss some ideas. When he arrived he was really enthusiastic, and started to show us some of his world famous acting in the main hall. It suddenly dawned on us that we wouldn't even need a waxwork model. Keanu was just so dead. So lifeless. It was amazing."

"Keanu has been living with us now for sixteen months. He seems perfectly happy just performing all the time. Sometimes we wait until we close and arrange some of the other actors around him so that he can really get into character."

"He gets along well with the Lawrence Fishbourne we made for him, and it may be too early to say but I think he's dating the waxwork Beyonce Knowles. He's smiling all the time - I think he's finally found his home."

Reeves may be content but his fans have reacted to the news with a mixture of anger and bemusement. One baffled Reeves fanatic said “was he not already made of wax?”

Bling Crosby

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re:Wind - Diary of Young Jeezy: "Ain't Nuttin But a Gangsta Menagé - The Tour" - PART 1

Sunday 1st March: re:Spectacle first interview with Lord Jeezy of Thuggsville

The Dorchester, London

14:23

I enter the hotel lobby still feeling the excesses of last night's after show party which, according to my blurred memory, primarily consisted of snorting lines of Cristal off naked strippers and a seemingly never-ending supply of NoCo Limes. The doorman greets me and, spotting my Press Pack pass, directs me straight to the presidential suite on the 23rd floor. This is one interview too X rated for Lizo and crew…

As I enter the palatial surroundings of Jeezy's suite I'm greeted by the sight of Chedda-Boy, close companion and chart topping krunk star in his own right, puffing on a large Cuban and also smoking a cigar.

"Yo foo'. Jeezy dun be dat way'" his deep Southern accent slurs, mouth half full, pointing me in the direction of the next room. I bounce through with all the excitement of a young reindeer on Christmas Eve eve.

Jeezy is sat on the balcony scribbling furiously in his rhymepad. He greets me with a typically warm embrace and remarks,

"Dat dun be some crazy sheezy last night son!"

I congratulate him on the success of the opening night, and more importantly for introducing me to the joys of inhaling vintage champagne. With the formalities out of the way, we take a seat on the balcony basking in the glorious warmth of a March hail storm.

PS: So Jeezy, opening night of the tour last night and, according to an independent focus group, it went off something crazy rotten! How was it for you?

YJ: Yeah man I dun heard nuff rumours about the Old Sl*t and Bucket, nuff rumours. Dat venue be off the hinge baby boy! Crowd be mad ill and ting. Like a damn nurses room at junior school up in that piece!

PS: You've managed to combine a global tour with extensive charity work as part of your role as Goodtings Ambassador for the UN. Which specific causes are closest to your heart?

YJ: Whatever son, all of them. Jeezy dun already wants to make it coo' for all his international bredrins.

PS: You and C-Boy are currently signed to L'il Jacob's Murk Dem Killa records and have already worked with the majority of the genre's most iconic and innovative producers. Who's left out there on the scene still on your hitlist?

YJ: Son, one thing I dun learnt is the krunk script is like a pancake - it be constantly flipped. At the moment I'm workin on some new shizzle produced by Dr Dutt and featuring Sean-a-Paul, which dun been my dream since forever! The Doc's a legend, I remember bumping his radio show on Coo' 43 FM up in the projects as a kid. Other than dat I'm really feelin that Chino XL shizzle right now. Big up my boy LB on dat tip!

PS: You touched briefly on your youth growing up in the gritty projects of Bolton, Atlanta and listening to Dr Dutt with your contemporaries. How have those experiences framed your lyrics and style?

YJ: Thug life son, that be the only platinum and diamond encrusted frame for my lyrical content. My stee-lo? Breds dun be biting like a coy carp, but lest they forget we been rocking the coo' cas garms in Bolton since back in the day.

Jeezy's tour manager, Felipe, politely informs us that there is enough time for 1 more question before he has to head off as guest of honour at the launch of a new recycling depot in Bracknell.

PS: Jeezy it's been great to catch up with you today - thanks for your time. Can you give your fans a little taste of what to expect for the rest of the tour?

YJ: Sheezy son - BIG TINGS! Some proper baller-as* sh*t each and every night! You best stick with my boy ill Philly-Phil for dat daisy fresh sh*t!

And just like that Jeezy plus entourage of 48 depart the room. In a 7 min 12 second interview the legend opens up just enough to get you interested, but leaves you screaming for more like an opiate-addicted Busta Rhymes.

TBC….

Phillustrious Schofield

(click for more Young Jeezy Tour Diary)
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True as F*ck

Did you know that...

...Nicole Kidman is named after Nicole Albert, the famous Australian comedienne who was exiled in 1963 for blinding a frog with a broken spoon?

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re:Play - PROMOTION - PR1EST

re:Spectacle is more than proud to invite some of you to the grand opening of:

PR1EST…the first ever clergy-only nightclub in the world!

Playing only the latest Biship-Bishop choons, and serving the blood of Christ until 6am, PR1EST will open its large oaken doors for the very first time on Easter Sunday. It’s sure to be a religious experience, so make sure you don’t miss out on this holy fantastic event!

See flyer below for details...

Bling Crobsy

(click on the images to enlarge)

re:Wind - Diary of Young Jeezy: "Ain't Nuttin But a Gangsta Menagé - The Tour" - PART 1

Saturday March 7th - Opening night of the "Ain't Nuttin' But a Gangsta Menagé" tour

Backstage @ The Old Sl*t and Bucket, London

23:17

The sound of deep rolling bass punctuated by a ferocious tambourine beat reverberates through my body. The air is heavy with thick, acrid smoke expertly blended with the aroma of spiced apples.

To my left a group of seven large men dressed in identical blood-orange velour tracksuits clutching 40 oz bottles of Skol are engaged in what appears to be a particularly rowdy game of dice. A gaggle of formally dressed ho's clamour for their attention. The tension is palpable.

Suddenly a dispute breaks out. The argument rapidly escalates - a dark stormcloud of imminent brutality engulfs the room. Then the door bursts open. Charisma cuts through the room like the melting sunrise through cheap Parisienne blinds. Every ojó in the room focuses on the hooded figure in the doorway.

"Be coo' bredrins".

With just 3 warm words in 10 hot seconds the scuffle that appeared certain to end in another Daily Mail "Blade, The Devil You Know" headline quietly disbands. The two protagonists kiss and embrace.

The question begs: who is this gallant knight adorned in a chain mail of charm gripping the lance of justice firmly by the handle?

To his mother back in Bolton, Atlanta he's Cornelius Rigobert McThasselwaite. To millions around the world he is better known as Young Jeezy.

Not content with rocking the legendary Old Sl*t and Bucket to its core on the opening night, Jeezy manages to combine his role as a Goodtings Ambassador for the UN with semi-professional friendship. This is the man we should all aspire to.

As I accompany the "Ain't Nuttin' But a Gangsta Menagé" official tour around the globe over the next few weeks I will be fortunate enough to experience a significant amount of face time with this pillar of modern culture. Even before this hellacious introduction to the way of the Jeezy my expectations were already preposterous, but now, having seen him in action, I expect nothing less than da bomb.

Phillustrious Schofield

(click for more Young Jeezy Tour Diary)
(click here to see more re:Wind)

True as F*ck

Did you know that...

...the role of Frodo in Lord of the Rings was originally to be played by Dizzee Rascal?

It was eventually given to Elijah Wood after ‘The Diz-Man’ snapped his face in half wrestling a hobo.

(click for more True as F*ck)

re:View - Ghostman Gat 'BLACK & WHITE GAT' (Greendale Records)

The Gatman Is Back!

Better known as one half of the highly controversial gangsta rap duo Gatman & Robbin’ of the late 90s, anyone would’ve been forgiven for assuming Gatman had simply fallen off the face of the west coast after his other half flew the roost to form the hugely successful flute-driven trance act “Johan and the Beast”. In fact, in the five years since the split not a single sighting has been made and I looked proper hard for time. Checked everywhere. But what’s become of our hero after his time of in the wilderness?

From du-rags to bitches.

With the opening line “Its glock o’clock n*gga, father grime’s at yo’ door” its immediately clear the Ghostman has not lost his passion for homicide. But there’s something else, something more. Something subtly evident yet truthfully deceptive lying just under the surface. And then it hits me - there’s multiple tracks. And each of them shows a different side to this human polyhedra.

Lock, stocks, and two smoking commodities.

His voice has mellowed, his disses more cheery and each word is shrieked with regal authority. This new found maturity is no more apparent than on the post-crunk masterpiece “Dat NASDAQ Killa”; a track that hurtles him along at 50 bpm while he highlights the great stability that can be enjoyed by trading in commodities such as gold and platinum, and in doing so he steps into unchartered territory; actual content, like proper lifey things. While his debut was constrained to casual remarks of arbitrary sums, he now lists the values of recent purchases; where he used to merely mention that bitches were amongst his presence, he now goes on to list a dazzling array of physical attributes.

Breadth of fresh heir.

And just in case some of you hip hop purists were unconvinced with all this lyrical wizardry and the bemusing amounts of synapsical jizz spurting forth from this LP, Gat breaks it down and doffs his proverbial cap to the sole creator of modern day hip hop, King Kan Ye, in the roof raising classic “hmmm...yeh yep yeah yes yeah yep yep” in which he ditches the full sentences and actual words in the name of booty and cunningly dips the tone of his voice at the end of each sentence...tick, tick BOOM! This one has to be heard to believed...guaranteed to make you consider leaving your Mac-11 at home!

Can you step to this?

Yeah, OK, so he might be lyrical dynamite and everything yeah but where’s the realness? Where are the studio deaths we witnessed in his 19 famous ‘pop track’ skits that peppered his previous album? Unfortunately, to the detriment of the art form, that idea was ditched since being placed under 24 hr surveillance as part of a bail condition. But instead there are 3 silent tracks, each roughly 5 minutes long, entitled “Cut it Up”, “Cook it Up”, and “Smoke it Up” designed so the album can be worked around the music user’s crack habit in the biggest “f*ck you” to modern society since the invention of the platinum trouser press. The album artwork even folds out into a easy-to-read, step-by-step, pop-up “Crack-Pack” that provides excessively hyphenated tips to get you cooking up a storm in no time!

Verdict: 1/1 (to the nearest digit)

Bob Crunkhouse

(click here to see more re:Views)

re:View - 'Revolutionary Road' by Richard Yates

Holistically speaking, this collection of pieces of paper has a front, a back (the start and the finish, retrospectively) and lots of words, congregating in the form of sentences, paragraphs and indeed the aforementioned ‘book’, Revolutionary Road.

Comprising of over three uses of ‘the’ and a vast array of other words, Revolutionary Road is conveniently sized in the same shape you may have seen with the likes of ‘Mastiffs (Complete Pet Owner’s Manual)’ and ‘The Rough Guide to Salsa’. Its pages form perfect right-angles and (if the internet buzz is accurate) develop a yellow tinge if exposed to the sunlight for a lengthy period of time.

It’s not all positive though, the bar-code shows a distinct lack of creativity. It’s the same old tired ‘black line, white line, slightly thicker black line, white line’ combination we’ve seen countless times before.

Equally unoriginal is the uninspiring attempt to make this novel appear more cosmopolitan; the price is listed in just UK Pound Sterling and American, Canadian and Australian dollars. Notice a theme there? That’s right; WHITE.

To conclude: ducks. 9/11

Jon Bon Jovial

(click here to see more re:Views)

re:Wind - Diary of Young Jeezy: "Ain't Nuttin But a Gangsta Menagé - The Tour" - COMING SOON!

Synchronise your musical history device with re:Spectacle and you'll receive the latest and most excoo'sive webfeed updates from Young Jeezy and C-Boy's global tour "Ain't Nuttin But a Gangsta Menagé - The Tour".

Jeezy, once described as "the next Rasputin" by The Source magazine, is a member of the all-conquering krunk fraternity "Krunkadelia" hailing from the projects of Bolton, Northeast Atlanta. His lifetime associate and personal krunk monitor is C-Boy, aka Chedda-Boy, and one thing's for sure, boy does he like it mild!

The duo, responsible for the modern classics "Jeezy Dun Be Up in Huuurrr!" and "Dat Ho Be My Ho", are signed to Murk Dem Killa Records. The iconic Honduran label, allegedly founded by the Godfather of modern krunk L'il Jacob way back in February '91, has overseen their explosion on to the underground folk-hop scene and their reward is a worldwide tour encompassing all 37 continents and an incredible 6 countries.

Expect all manner of straight hip-hop craziness as these two lyrical poets take over the world, one city at a time!

We sent self-confessed krunkhead Phillustrious Schofield along to try and keep pace with these undoubtedly classy bredrins…

PART 1 COMING SOON

Phillustrious Schofield

(click for more Young Jeezy Tour Diary)
(click here to see more re:Wind)

True as F*ck

Did you know that...

...before embarking on an illustrious career in film Danny Devito used to juggle hammers on the streets of Ukraine?

(click for more True as F*ck)